When the night is deep and quiet, I often fall into deep thought. In this peacefulness, I realize that apart from communicating with my family, I haven’t had a conversation with a stranger for a long time. Today, on my way to pick up a package, as I passed by the shopping mall downstairs, I saw a toddler learning to walk from afar. At that moment, my gaze was involuntarily drawn to him, and my lips curled up without my control. The child also responded with a pure smile. In that instant, my heart was filled with warmth.
However, in daily life, I often feel the estrangement between myself and others. Adults I encounter on the street often have expressionless faces, or even look at me with indifference or disdain. This has gradually made me accustomed to averting my gaze and focusing on the innocent faces of children. Many nights, I have pondered: When the loved ones who raised me are gone, and when the children I raised grow up, what meaning will my existence have? My soul seems to wander like a lost spirit, alone for a lifetime, perhaps eventually vanishing like the last wisp of smoke from a burnt-out candle, quietly disappearing from this world.
It seems that I am drifting further and further away from this society. My social circle is so narrow that it can almost be ignored. I only have weak connections with the outside world to maintain my basic survival. My life follows a simple and repetitive pattern. Most of my time is spent within these few dozen square meters, among the high-rise buildings of this city. I am like a life form hidden in a tiny cave, breathing faintly
Sometimes I ponder, having spent the past decade in this corner, what about the next decade? How will I spend it and what should I do?
